I have this feeling inside....
I cant deny it, it eats me from the inside evrytime I look at you.

Your are beautiful. I deserve you. because you are beautiful.

BUt I just ahve this feeling, that a catastrophic nightmare is going to happen here. I will neevr tell youthis feeling because then it wont happen, and deep down I deserve what fate has for me more.

I have this feeling, this incredible feeling that sometime in the future I will be left holding the bag. We spoke yesterday, and I dont think you know what romance is. You've  never loved someone before. I dont know this but I can feel it.

I met you around two months ago, and thats when the crush started. I fought it, like I always fight it. And Ive openned up now. Its only been few weeks and I normally grow these kinds of things fast but with you Im swimming before you even know where the water is.

My gut. Now that Im listening, my gut has never been more right. I have this feeling that Im just going to be left holding the bag. Its almost as if I can feel our failure right now, at this very moment. Its almost as if I can see all this coming crashing down around me. and Ill deserve it. I

Everyday Im changing because of who I live with. But you yennifer are going to let me down. I look into your eyes and hope.......

I just hope. You look at me like im a good guy. Like im your guy. and Im not. Im no ones guy. Im a unfaithful fuck and its make me crack. My insanity mounts higher everyday. I dont know what to do with this girl who wont take no for answer and this woman who's demon was as bad as mine is now. She prays for a future where I stick around but I cant. Im a nomad. Im a homeless man with three houses.

When I was on top of you yesterday and looked into your eyes and I saw a scared little girl. I saw a runaway. Im afraid of what I saw deep down in those eyes. Im afraid of what you'll do to me. Its driven me to this point.   and its frustrating me now.

I wont text you tonight. And you wont text me either. Ill be with her tomorrow, wanting her to be you, and thinking about you, but with her. Sadly, you''ll text me tomorrow, maybe, and I wont respond. Im at arms length from you, but I can still touch you from your arms length. Your father dying has fucked you up deeper than any psychiatrist can reverse. THat wound will neevr heal and it will be a long time before you get close enough to someone where youll allow yourself to yes when he pops the question. I know it wont be me on bended knee.

The saddest part is that I know that when it happens, Ill get over you quickly. It will hurt put I already know how to dress the wound, and Ill heal quickly. All becasue I feel this way now. If theres ever been a time where Ive hoped I was worng its now. BUt somehting tells me Im not worng.

That crazy past Ive told you about and downplayed will bite me in the ass. As if its not already biting me everyday of my life, but it will devour me whole before I become right with God. God will get even with me, his vegence will rain on me and I will be broken before I am allowed to be truly, deeply fullfilled with happiness.

The lies Ive told, the weed Ive smoked, the things Ive done will ALL come back to bite me in the ass. And I spend every waking moment waiting for it.

Until that day Ill play my guitar until it hits