by far by far by farrrr......

New York has been the most eye opening experience in my life. hands down. Just found out my roommate of almost two years and frat brother has been stealing money from me. Its illegal in a rent controlled apt to charge a subletter more than the rent. This dude charged me and T more and then asked us for utilities. Whats worse is the shitty smut receptionist I introduced to him, knows this ( i told her about 3 days ago) and she went and hung out with him. After I told her that I got a lawyer to deal with this. Weird. and shady. didnt have any attachments to this girl, but I did trust her with info and it feels like a somewhat betrayal. I introduced her to this kid... and she sees nothing wrong with it. but is also like 24...when i was young I never saw the light either until it was too late.... Little things like this are always happening to me...the insult to injury is the fact that I saw someone get shot on the block adjacent from mine and Ill never be the same after that. I thought I heard a nail gun a few days back and couldn't even see it but my heart rate rose like crazy. I'm def suffering from trauma...but I'm too lazy to get a therapist again... I've kind of grown to hate them because I've had to see them my whole life. That and why does the pursuit of my sanity come with a weekly co pay? Doesn't anyone in this world want to help for the just sake of the greater good of humanity?? Ive also become marginally more racist since I've moved here. I think all white ppl just pretend to care about black peoples problems. I also fully believe this guy Donny pres is the reason for my world being so topsy turvy lately. A nigga started a podcast to increase my visibility in the media and film world, but this is the second time Ive gotten scammed here. I plan on turning all his friends against him. I plan on peeing in all of his jordans just a little bit. This faggot is a spaz and deserves the most vile payback for stealing 6,700+ from me. and this smut who actually share a fucking cubicle with me goes and hangs out with him. Im calling another lawyer today. I want to get paid for damages as well. I dont even know what happens when you dont pay out for a lawsuit....but I want this kid to pay me the 17grand and THEN go to jail. I've been thinking of telling her dude has herpes too. but fuck it ill just let her catch it. She deserves it. For being desperate. I literllay watch the admin of my dept swipe left and right on guys all day...what also annoys me is all these lil girls out here tryina fuck and when I say have you ever touched a black guy and they say no! so thyere willing to be a smut as long as the person looks like them? GODDAMN that shit bothers me so much... I mean personally but also not personally... I have this idea that if youre looking to fuck you should be able to to find someone to fuck, and good. why not chose a black guy?? Im tried of feeling like everyone is scared of me...but thats another conversation for another day. You know what else Im dealing with is this shitty ass job getting bought out. Thats right, my company got bought out, because primarily it wasnt making any money. This part, soley in my opinion, is attributed to the fact that I think everything here is done backwards. From the phone system needing to be upgraded but never being done, the support call workthrough being broken multiple various ways. I know I cnat be racist all the time but its so fucking goddamn hard not to be. I sware every single white person I talk to is one of two ways. They either the oblivious high mid class type or theyre the not rich non chalant white people reaping the benefits of being white while trying to empathize with the people of color around them. Like their problems always seem so small to me. Its like they always want a better job and more money...nicer classier clothes and apartment. Alot of my friends are just broke, and dont know which bills to pay first. Fuck, im broke too and thats all I think about. Getting right. What I need to do is just BE RIGIHT. I just took a 20 minute cry break in the stock room. again. this time I had to mop up the snot off the floor and make sure the monitor I punched wasnt broken. My girlfriend calmed me down and my buddy Al from the copy center helped distract me. But I just had a certified breakdown. Enough of this shit, these faggots dont deserve my tears