The charade

Incredible. Moved to new york city. Reached new levels of depression. Cant tell if its age or just true unhappiness. which wouldve been brought on by sheer failure to be a factor. In any form of the word. I just want to be loved and help people connect and get the most of the over populated city. Woke up today with a half eye jammie. not even sure where it came from but I look like I got out a drunken scuffle and i couldve possibly lost. I have 3 other hives in other random places...finger elbow leg..... my body's changing but I refuse to age. Mark my words, I wont be an out of shape 30 year old. Im driven by the passion to run until I find my sanity. I dont hate basketball anymore. Ive been running a lot more often now. The anger in my heart grows more with each day that goes by. This Game album isnt helping... Im angry because I cant think about the things thatve happened to my people in this country make me want to cry and I cant be weak like that. My girlfriend and side hoes have all come to head; I hate them right now. Except for Nat....losing her will be the end of me. Suicide is contemplateable without someone who understands you in a certain kind of way... I almost live to succeed because of her. Anyways my job has my cube facing the office TV's and between trump bouta be president and more black people being killed by the cops I dont know which way is up. I try to act fearless of the future though.... I still think I'm a rapper. between the lumps in my throat at random times and the fits of rage and anxiety I dont know whether to smoke more weed or stop completely. Only thing that has me inspired lately is Lebron James for some reason. I dont know why but I feel like I dont belong everywhere I go and until now Lebron made me feel like its supposed to be that way. Can't help but feel like something good will come out of this..... My new boss is a bitch. If there's any reason I have to get out of this cube life and proceed to murder this entertainment game its her. Shes a barren woman. To me that means shes a little less heartless then your average woman but the hook here is the bitch been working here 26 years and doesnt tell anyone her birthday because I think shes older then the retirement age.....I wont be here much longer but it seems like time moves faster the older you get. Been here for 8 almost 9 months and Im still a worthless piece of shit who cant even get a tinder match date with a basic bitch that works in my office. And this other bitch with a 5 year old been either curving me or ignoring me the whole summer now. Beautiful on the outside but a little ugly on the inside and Im not surprised shes been getting by like that for a while now....she claims to be an artist too but I really just see a very sad woman who's just finding inspiration in little things because she's unhappy with the bigger picture. Making it to second base with her was a mistake.... I plan on being something no one can ignore, micromanage, or disrespectfully ghost on. Fuck new york now and forever I cant be defeated.

the post was before the one below this

https://youtu.be/Neb50_6aSmQ

video post

ok ok I admit it

I don't even think this video is gonna upload fully, just got some weird message about exceeding file size but

GET BETTER. THE WORLD AROUND YOU DEMANDS IT>