great. just when i thought the shit couldnt get annny better

SO today the yankees won the wolrd series. whoopty fuckin doo. I cant stand all these fuckin yankees fans it makes me so fuckin sick. whats gonna suck is that I gotta deal with L now and thats gonna suck. ppl just fuckin gang up on me and shit and I cant even handle the nonsense anymore im just gonna keep my hood on and not speak to anyone for the next week and a half. oh my god what a pain in the ass this gonna be.

on a more lighter note, Ive been doing ok. still in this "on the fence" relationship and Im still in search of my true first love, which is a real GOOD car. Ive also had a Iphone for a while now, and ive been wirting little creative pieces in them just to express my feelings, because I felt as though I had no one to talk to over the summer. I think the man who I know as myself got a little bit colder.
I hate this state.

but here is the poem i wrote; I gotta put it somewhere because im gonna restore my phone in a few days......

Aug 20 9 22am
woke up early this morning,
walked outside my door
i was met by a beautiful rose,
and then pricked by its sharp thorn.
A beautiful day; sun shining, blue sky,
not care in the air as the clouds floated by.
I walked with my happiness that no one could take away from me,
And my sun got brighter, it made my smile gleam.
Until a feeling I cant explain suddenly came over me
The sun got bigger but the clouds got thicker
What could this crazy feelin mean???
my happiness turned delirious
and my smile got serious,
as I look to the sky, a change in the weather was coming and i knew it
i wanted to go home, or just get where I was going
my mind screams "Start Running!"

The funny thing is i had an umbrella;
I knew this was coming
I looked up, and down my face raindrops start running.
My entire body was drenched,
I look around for my happiness only to find that it has been spoiled and it had turned into discontent.
I still dragged it along seeing some untarnished spots, I had hope that I could save it, not knowing that the whole thing would rot.
Right now I am still running, pressing on hard through this inclement weather,
but its gotten worse from thunder and lightning but i cant get any wetter, Iknew it would get worse before it got better...
This storm WILL end I know that for a fact, one way or another
I felt deep in my pocket the beautiful rose, I reached in my pocket the beautiful rose, I reached in and pulled it out only to be mezmorised by its beauty, its entire existence a blessing from above.

BLOG MERGE

Ok to all 2 ppl and future me who read my blog whats good!!! I recently posted 11 new/old posts becasue my last blog may have ben compromised. I realized that since my ex found it once before I'd delete my old blog, until I found out that I could export it then import it onto my new blog, which is linked to absolutely nowhere. Just cuz here is the synopsis of what my first old blog for:

A blog about how my third year in college has been so far, and things in relation to my life as a IST major instead of an engineering major.
-------------

OK so yea, I just got home from being stood up by a girl who ive been diggin for a while and we never really made any plans, we just talked a bunch and hung out once but never could find the time to hang out again. You see what sucks is that I'm so freakin flexible when I make plans that I cant just tell someone what to do, I try to see what they want to do I try to meet them halfway. But fuck it cuz I only had about $30 bucks in my pocket so I kinda glad I didnt have to spend it all.

I tok this chic to the movies last week to see "funny people" and I enjoyed the movie, but I was certainly very reluctant to pay. She waled up to the desk as if she was gonna pay for herself, but I was happy to see that she was so willing to carry her wieght that I carried it for her. I had a movie pass anyways, so I just paid the 12.50 it. It felt good, but i kinda felt like that since she wasnt my girl that I shouldnt have paid for her so I thought about the things I couldve paid for
anywasy..... idont know where im going with this but yea, i feel like being cheap sometimes but i cant cuz sum girls deserve my nice-ness

and others are just bitches.


I guess Im just pissed off.........Im always pissed off, in fact I only write to you when Im pissed off dont ask me why



yea so today I did my FAFSA today, which is SUPER late and I was ultra worried that the deadline had passed so I wouldnt get financial aid therefore not being able to complete my last few credits I really need to graduate. BUT I filled it out and I have until friday to call back my school and let them know whats going on. I just have to call my advisor in the morn before work and I should be good hopefully. Then I gotta find out how much to take out in loans and then buy a car hopefully...hahahha fat chance....


Yea im also kinda pissed cuz I have this twitter acct, and I use it almost prolly about 10 times a day. I write all my lil things and smart comments and fuck my life moments and cool things I see that I know I will cherish one day in a few sentences and I can see other ppls stuff. THe cool thing about my twitter account was completely uncensored and I was ALMOST as honest on it as I have been on this blog.....until now. My ex's best frined just got on it and decided to follow me now. shes actually been on it for a while, like a month or so and I didnt think she would say anything to my ex who I'am very much still involved with and actually just got out of a HUGE problem soooo yea...............

but I wrote about going to hang out with this chic and only having 30 bucks and thats when it hit me, that virtually everything I put up can be used against me....major suckage, cuz now i have to censor everything I put up there and ask myself every time i post "would L get mad at me for this?" which is the pain in the ass but I have become good at hiding my emeotions and censoring myself being in NYC for this summer.
but that wont last for long, so I need to put them somewhere.........

which is what I have you for....

Ive started writing poems and raps again......




Im thinking of blocking her friend from seeing my stuff and continuing on my honest streak.....im really not fully and completely honest with any1 else but myslef. I dont know why. Whoever is reading this right now, I am being honest with you right now. You have gotten close enough to the real me. You are the most important person to me. I mean there are others who are important to me, but you have somehow reached a level I right think there will never be a person but me and GOD will be.

rambling......

watching the daily show with john stewart....i dont know why but lately ive been digging this and the colbert report---dont ask me why. Later..........

Why do I keep writinig poems on the bus?

Who am I?

I am a man I stand tall above you all,
I run with a plan,
I aim to hit my mark shoot to kill,
Eyes zeroed in from the start.
Face of stone cold as ice,
enraged by your audacity I'm ready to fight.
Remain calm play it smart stay engaged make em pay,
Hit em where it hurts.
Kick him in the gut slap her in the face.

Hard case soft shell I transform
I'm mean but I choose to be nice to 'em.
Emotionally sensitive
Supress my feelings can't let em get the best,
uncage the animal let loose, 'n we all know the rest.

My face is ever changing who knows the real me?
I wake up different everyday,
Lord tell me who I'm supposed to be!

Noble smart funny cool clutch Im hung clean handsome efficient,
different,
bad Im evil slow clumsy white lies late resistant don't listen...



I go happy go lucky go hard or go home,
Real Talk, either love me or leave me alone.

Who I am.

e!!! Haha, laugh. Out. Loud.

that there was no AC, and it's about 167 degrees in here because of all the people plus probably some heat from the subway. Good thing the ticket was fre

ize as I headed to the line Amtrak for tix how glad I was to get out of the pouring rain. Only then did I notice that the line was about 20 ppl long and

o here I am in this confounded city, sitting in a semi nice station and I turn on my iPod in search of sum free wifi. No such luck. But I started to real

Ok so I got blogger to my cell now; I just saw a lil clickable icon and got curious and so now here I am in the train station testing this thing out.

S

right

YO fuck these stupid bitch yo, im out to DC tom for the weekend to see some fam and live a lil bit and I just got TWO paychecks so fuck this goddamn city and its silfish females monsters we all love to look at-------im gonna jack off and go to sleep


peace

smooth move laxitive---shittin out the old hoes and welcoming the new hoes

http://twitter.com/BKtheFIA1

sucks fuckin humungo balls

So itss 11 am and im gonna be late for work. last night I lost my fuckin cell phone on the island and I saw some kids walking thru were I might have dropped it. when asked about they told me k now but I could smell it on them; that they were lying. COuldnt prove it though, the police werent helpful, they were only island public safety.

IT JUST FUCKIN SUCKS TO LOSE YOUR CELL PHONE SOOOO INCREDIBLY BAD. I know I know people lose phones all the time. but not me, Ive only lost my phone once before this and it actually got stolen in my own house.

LIKE FUUUUUUCKKKKKKKIN SHHHHIIIIT i HAD SOO MUCH STUFF IN THAT FONE, MAD MUSIC NAKED PICS AND VIDS AL MY CONTACTS, THESE FUCKIN SHITHEAD KIDS OF THIS CITY NEED TO BE KEPT IN ISTITUIONS AND HAVE THIER ARMS AND LEGS APMUTATED SO ALL THEY CAN DO IS TALK AND NOT CUASE PROBLEMS FOR THE MORE MATURE BEINGS ON THE PLANET. THE TEENS OF TODAY ARE CASUING MORE TROUBLE THEN GOOD AND IT MAKES ME SICK.

what really sucks is when IIII find anything im always husslin to turn it in. and sicne I wont get payed til the end of next fuckin week, I wont have a phone in this foriegn fuckin place until after then. this fuck blows and sucks and eats my ass all at the same time.

awoken

so this is great, I just woke up with the absolute shitties feeling in the world because of this dream I just had. I just wrote here about 7 and a half hours ago, and right now were in the early hours of the next day but I doubt ill ever get back to sleep because of this:

I dreamt that I was somewhere working, nad in a meeting room watching a slideshow in a half dark room. My cell phone rings and I see that is Lani, and I remember that I didnt talk to her on the phone at all last night. I felt like I should have, so I excused myelf and went outside to pick up the fone. Theres a guy on the line greeting me, and I hear Lani's voice, laughing at first then she says something thats like, "Hi Brandon...." After asking for just lani, She speaks and the other voice is silent and says " hi brandon this is _____" I say hello and she says "Yea I just wanted to introduce you to my friend, and actually we just decided to be something else too" I then remember thinking in my head that " wow, this is wonderful, how can his girl call me like this and with this guy on three way?"

I then pause for a moment and begin to say something along the lines of "how could you do this to me?" But my smarts kick in last minute and I change my sentence to sound like "congratulations of really happy for you and I wish you all the best good luck I know you'll really be happy and I wished himt the best a gain." He didnt say anything in return. I then asked if he minded if I could just speak to Lani alone or if she could call me and I could just speak with her briefly for a moment. He agrees and I hang up the fone. I dont get a call. I look up and thru all the glass doors I can see my meeting is still going on. I got a text from her saying something, along the lines of dont get mad....... i told you





all i kept thinking about was that its aaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllll over.........

funny, I get it now.

">What do I do, what do I say
Gotta get us back to the way
That we used to be back in the day
Who do I call to talk to
Shawty, you ain't gotta be scared of me
All we need is therapy

Like 1, 2, 3, 4 get the hell up out my door
5, 6, 7, 8 I don't need your sex, I'll masturbate
9, 10, 11, 12 you can go to hell all I care, yeah

Can't do it shawty, can't deal with you babe
Can't handle the pressure of you (yeah yeah)
Can't do it shawty, can't deal with you babe
Can't handle the pressure of you (yeah yeah) "
T pain- Kanye West - Therapy










She is incredible. Whats more incredible is the way I can tell the future at a time I wish was like everyone else and watched things go by.


I'm in pain. I've been denying it all day, but im in a tremendous amount of pain. since sitting in this room last night and hearing what I heard, I've felt like my stomach and all my other central organs have been removed from my body and layed out on an ironing board to be steam pressed and hung out to dry. I feel as though I am inside out. I cried, but no tears came out.

This is what comes over me when to person you are with reveals to you that there is someone else in the picture, and you are no longer the star in her sky. The person you were beginning ot feel as though you might love them. One way....or another.


Life was meant to be lived alone.

I got off the bus today and ran home. I dont know what made me do it but it felt good. I wanted to hit something, I wanted to fight someone, I wanted to go one on one with someone in a cage and rip their heart out. So a jog was in order. When I reached my front gate, I felt like crying agian, my face said this, but I looked in the sky and yet again my eyes stayed dry, only moist in the corners.

When I woke up this morning, all I could do was smile and laugh on my way to work with her. I was in a passive aggressive mode and it just sucked so bad all I could do was laugh at the situation ( and my good fortune once again).


Again, now here in my, I put head down and rest my eyes for a moment, and I wanna turn on the waterworks, but the pipes are broken.

Its incredible how when your hurt how you can be motivated to make yourself a better person for the next one who comes along. Im so hurt and angry I just want to do work and never stop. I sat in the living room and did push ups and sit ups until my body gave out.

I cant be a new yorker, I cant mask my feelings with pride and act like Im not feeling much of anything, I must come to terms with it and embrace and use it for good. I must turn this into creative energy.

I'm thinking about going running in the mornings again, to keep me lean. I eat a lot of fast food out here.

All I can look forward to right now is whether or not I get a check this week.
All I want to do is go back home, and make sure my mom is ok and hit the weight set everyday.

Fuck Bitches. Get Money.
That never did me wrong. Try it.




GOOD NIGHT
While I was jogging home I saw this firefly flicker above my head.......I haven't seen one of those in a long tme

the hangover........

SONG OF THE WEEK:


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>>>crazy how things work...when you have little pieces to use how one cherishes pawns like the king and queen on our boards in our lives.

I say this in relation to the lack of strong connections I have, not only with just females, but with my male friends as well. Can't fuck those up..........

> moving right along here so yea, I just got back from a week in NYC and its crazy kid, utterly ridicoulous. Every little thing I needed to do was a fuckin adventure, fuckin amazing. Like the trains are freakin OD and today was the only time I got straight to where I needed to go.

But yea its whatever, I left without seeing my ex for the last 2 days and without saying bye either, and thats because Ive been being taken for granted the last week and since Ive been broke I know that I totally cant rely on her for any kind of support whatsoever. Women want to be sooooo slef sufficient and independent that when someone like a important guy in thier life needs that, they stand the other way, away from the poeple who might need them the most. Or maybe the bitch I chose doesnt remember where she came from and decided to treat a nigga like chopped liver. either way, shit is wrap cuz I don't nor have I ever felt like I should be treated like that. Ya know something, I wish I could fuck a million other bitches and this girl not know about it, just to fuckin spite her. I am truly and deeply hurt for the last time now, and this honestly must come to an end. Future me----why the fuck did you ever stick around for this silly ho? nigga get ur shit together and dont be afriad to tell a bitch what you want, and if it doesnt match up then leave that ho. Make shit simple.

but fuck it, what can you do right? I must tell you, any1 who is reading this, that the man who writes to you is slowly but SURELY turning from a kind heart to a rock hard solid cold heart. Slowly but surely, I am losing my respect for women and thier sanctity. They truly make me wish I was a monk, somewhere in the mountains saving myself for God becasue theere is no woman out theere in my scope right now that handle the ME i really want to be. so until that one crosses my path FUCK EM ALL, and good night bitches.

fuckin shit show

"At night I can't sleep, I toss and turn
Candle sticks in the dark, visions of bodies bein burned
Four walls just starin at a nigga
I'm paranoid, sleepin with my finger on the trigger
My mother's always stressin I ain't livin right...."
Ghetto Boys - Mind playing tricks on me



SO
Since the last time I wrote, theres been a lot of ups and downs in my life and Ive been meaning to write about it since then, but now the downs are beginning to pile up and Im keeping my head up, but this shit show absolutely needs to be documented I feel.

I am currently in NYC, visiting some frat brothers, and I just got a call today the job I was sooooo sure I had in the bag, wanted somebody else. For some bullshit reason might I add, b/c I was more than qualified for the job and the only thing holding me back was the hour and half commute of entire train line then a 4 dollar shuttle to and from the place. Fuckin amazing...............................

And I accidently stalked a shorty that I was cool with...dont ask me how I find myslef in these situations they just happen to me b/c its me. We were very close at one point, did the tango, and I spent a weekend in NYC with her and she with me up at school and had both great times. By the end of our time together we were kising in public and holding hands, and that all came crashing down when I "demanded" a call or text back, b/c we sort of fell out of touch, and she was biting on the guilt trip I was giving her, and she just snapped and went on a rant about me being crazy and I said she shouldnt act like that and a few other things....later on I contacted her and she still had the same smelly stubborn attitude about the situation so we just ended kinda ruff on that note as well. That was a week ago, and low and behold the idea to stop by her job when I get to NYC pops in my mind and she FREAKS out. not only was she upset, but she asked me to stop contacting her. I felt like shit bro honestly, I felt liek WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO SO WRONG??? I kept it movin cuz and honestly didnt accept the feelings, which went well. I acted like i didnt really care, which I kind of didnt really cuz the future of that situation was farfetched so I just left the building and held onto what little pride i had and threw my beats on and headed to the next suprise spot.

I also wanted to suprise my ex gf by showing up at her job, and that went much much better. A lil advice for the future me, always have a plan B and C and then possible D. The night before me and my ex were talking about not even seeing each other for the summer and not kissing like we have been doing even thought we ve been split up since Feb now, but that all changed when she saw me. A nice warm reception with a big kiss was exactly what I needed at that point, and it made me feel great about the fact that Im handling multiple girls, cuz the normal faithful me wouldve had a harder time with the Y situation. Domincan bitches are fuckin CRAZY by the way whew!!! what a wierd way that turned out. Im still quite appalled, but since I got more than one thing on my plate im glad to say I dont think about it for long. bitches will be bitches....whos know whats going on in there screwy lil minds.............

So funky last few weeks ive been having since I just got home from school a few short weeks ago cuz I had a may class and I been looking for a comp/IT job and theyve been coming and going slipping right out from underneath me,its fuckin crazy the job market right now...... we have a black president who says he's got stimulus money for new jobs out there but when are people like me gonna see it? I wonder...........

and on a even more fucked up note, I lost my car. Yes thats right you heard correctly, I have lost a motor vehicle. Dont ask me how it happened but someone like me, anything is possible and my car is lost. Im so completely fuckin sick and tired of telling the story and now this reminds me that I need to call the police in the city where I go to school and tell them my car has been stolen.
it needed to get towed to get fixed and I was there but I gave triple A an address which turned out to be the wrong one but they towed the car anyway and now I dont know where it is. The fucked up thing about is they said they dont know where it is either and that they never towed it. it was in a parking lot at pep boys and a person was gonna fix it for me cheaper so thats why i needed it moved but it never got there and the pep boys said that they saw AAA tow my car. so fuck it all, i thought it was some kind of big hoax or scam on reality TV joke but FUCK MY LIFE, my car is really gone for good.

So as you can see, the 22 year of this grwon black man's life is just your average punch line, and theres nothing I can do about it. One thing I have learned from these harsh new yorkers is how to keep pushing, and my lil man A, one of my frat brothers has been a tru testament on how to perservere through things to come out on top. I am learning how to do that every day now....and getting better at it.

what sucks is that all this shit was wieghing down my heart so bad, I was sitting here on my boys couch trying to take a nap and I couldnt sleep I was just laying with my eyes closed in though about how fucked up things are. I mean, even though I graduated from college this may (yea thanks, dont be cliche with me though) but Ima just keep moving, just like what ive been taught by Wis, my PM. "Never put your head down."

SO its june and my summer plans got all fucked up, cuz I wantted to stay in NYC for the summer cuz I want to get out of my house cuz my mother is fuckin absolutely crazy sometimes and move in with my stepmom. I couldnt do that now becasue I didnt get the joba nd cuz Im fresh outta money too, I got a 1G for gard money and its al fuckin gone, i prolly got about $50 bucks left. from excis tax on a car I dont have to a fuckin crazy ass light bill i wasnt responsible enough to collect the money from my roomates for.

what fuckin joke....the people who know me really well dont take me serious, and Im not sure why. I need to change bro bigtime. I need to stop lying and being so fuckin nice to people. I lie to get what I want but end I always end up in pile of shit for a hundred dollar bill.
I dont know what the fuck is wrong with me, well I do know that its my value system thats fucked up cuz Id rather lie to a girl about my feelings to get in her pants one more time than tell the truth and just go fuck some slut my boy X introduces me to at a bar. and thats because Im scared of new pussy, cuz you get what you work for ya know? you dont put in very much work the pussy isnt that great and when u work hard its fckin awesome but ive done some things im not entirely proud of to get that pussy like put up with bitchy attitudes and whining and complaining and str8 up ungratefulness. Its appalling the level on endureance I have, but what never ceases to amaze me is the level of attention I pay to the fake face I put on for people I dont really know that well, and that becasue Im not entirely happy with the real me, and showing them the real me which I hate doing becasue the real me is like a old man kinda and I can be very grumpy at times and no one in this god forsaken state seems to be half as flexable as I am


but fuck em... cuz bitches will be bitches and fuckin sick of writing now...a clint eastwood movie is on and thats more interesting than my felings right now
lata

Medulla oblongata

"I'm takin out this time
to give you a piece of my mind (cause you can't knock the hustle)
Who do you think you are?
Baby one day you'll be a star

But until the late thang I'm the one who's crazy
cause that's the way you're makin me feel
(cause you can't knock the hustle)
I'm just tryin to get mine, I don't have the time
to knock the hustle for real"
Jay-z ft. Mary J Blige - Can't Knock the Hustle


I'm not wearing my own clothes today, I found a hoodie in my room and put it on, only to realize that it was probably bought for a fatter man, who I am not.


The weather is actually nice today; there's been sun the last few days, but no warmth.
But for some reason<>
>
>
I'd like to be smarter. I'd like to be less goofy. I'd like to be taken seriously. I'd liek to be able to think like everyone else. I'd like to know when people are lying to me and when they are telling me the truth. I'd like to get better grades. I wish I didn't have ADHD or Dyslexia.
I need to get my shit together

maybe this is happening becasuse I dont take myself serious enough.
fuck this blogging bullshit im out

Yo for real...

"a falta de pan; galletas"

This is ridiculous. Today was retarded. Ayer was even more retarded I just felt straight up retarded yesterday.

The betas crossed yesterday, which is the topic of conversation in my living room right now.

Its around 2am in the morning and I barely got any work done tonight. I was in the dorms all evening trying to work on a ppt project but instead ended up playing nba2k9 for most of the evening and now I have to save it all for tomorrow.

I love my line brother. Im gonna get my car fixed.

Its funny how things are for me right now. I feel like shit right now. I want some pussy. But not the pussy I've been having, cuz I'm bored with that one. I want to be like someone I know. I want to have a revolving door of pussy I can run through. I want to have a a lazy susie of pussy I can just spin and stop it at any random point like a globe and go there.

I don't understand bitches right now. I few weeks back I was counting my bitches. But now its like what the fuck happened? I guess it just like they say, dont count your eggs before they hatch. And now that I think of it, thats exactly what I did. They were all possiblities. Basically.
And I can't believe I was gonna try to have sex with a girl who had a kid. What the fuck was I thinking???? Bad Bad Bad move bro. But honestly though in the last few days its been like "why the hell am I getting played or being taken for granted or bieng overlooked by these fuckin sluts we call women? Why am I allowing these simple bitches to cause me to feel like this?

I got one bitch who can make plans like she's allergic.(12)
I got one bitch who is fuckin retard and just cut me loose for no reason.(1)
One bitch is asian and is wifed up now.(22)
One bitch, the one I thought I had solid in the bag already hasn't spoken to me in forever and thats never a good thing.(20)
One fuckin bitch who is just flippy floppy and doesnt know what to do with me cuz she's fuckin bi polar; my ex.
One bitch who is too grown for me, and I really want to be with but she's just too far right and we tryin to make this work, but in the mean time I've been feeling very neglected right now.(25)
Fuck em.
Besides a few are holdin on tight, got a text for dinner tomorrow(13), and one is cuttin off the other niggas to be with me(5) and I got a looker ready to jump thru the window on me and thats all being juggled in my sleep. I want more. I can have more. They have more, easily. So why cant I?
But like I said,
FUCK EM.

I gotta get my life together homey. I gotta worry about how im gonna pay for the fall for school, or even worse I gotta worry about how exactly Im gonna do this summer. I mos def dont want to go back home cuz my moms is fuckin insane in the mutha fuckin membrane. I know I got this. Ill fill you in on what Im trying to do more later, fuck this piece of shit blog anyways, I cant wait til this class is over

Keep it pimpin, Pimpin.....

"Siempre hay un superheroe
Si la dejas caliente
Un tipo llega y te la resuelve
Y no es superman
Siempre hay un superheroe
Si la dejas caliente
Un tipo llega y te la resuelve
Y no es superman..."
Alexis y Fido - Superheroes

Today was a crazy day. This weekend was a crazy weekend. I went 2/3 by the way, so good shit.
And you know whats really funny. The girl im seriously seeing is writing her feelings about what I say about things like her body and the stuff we talk about over in her blog and it is hilarious. I really hope to God that no1 else finds this blog becasue I will be in a huge pile of shit if any female i know gets thier hands on this. I even paranoid to send a link to this to my best friend in Germany away in the army, but he wants to know whats been going on with me so Im going to give him it all.
Ok so lets take a head count of the females on my plate right now that are actualy doable right now. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7.8. Wow. And trust me, I wouldnt be gassing my own head in a blog that no1 will ever see for years and years. crazy, so thats like 2 white chicks on black and the rest spanish lol. Awesome. Oh yea and over time Ive picked up this incrediby disgusting ability to write 'lol' at any given time. You can thank FB and females for that. But yea, I got the ladies right now and I am sooooooo loving bieng single its not even funny.

Well anyways, today is almost the last day in march and I need to get a move on with my Fafsa and my classes for next semester. I am so freakin screwed. Once again, I will not get the classes I want and once again I will be taking out a huge freakin loan to pay for it all. And that will be the hard part becasue my credit is absolutely horrible.

SO my pledges have a week until they cross. They actually have 4 days left and they are just going thru the final stages of thier process and I cannot believ how much they have grown. I cant believe how different they look from when they started and I cannot believe that after it was just me and J by oursleves to bieng a frat of 22 ppl big. This is incredible and I really dont even know what to say or think.

You knwo what I hate about myslef? I am really really good at getting girls, but I am really bad at anything competitive. I really hate it cuz it takes away any cocky factor I may want to throw in during the gameplay of getting to know a female. And it sucks cuz every game I every play with my bros, they liek " oh he sucks ill play him" and if I do play a game, I have to be super humble or I wont win. When Im not I will always ALWAYS lose bieng cocky.

I am very scared becasue I wish that I could take some of my girl getting skill power away and im tiredddddddddddd

this blog is str8 ch33sE

"......Come, break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you....."
30 Seconds to Mars - The Kill
Good Song.



Wow, I really wrote poetry last time? OD. Doesn't matter cuz nobody really reads this blog anyways.

Today is Monday. Great. I looked out the window and saw the sun, and being the middle of march walked out of the house with a hoodie on, only to realize it was 25 degrees outside and that I had been fooled. Again.
have been feeling very foolish as of late. This feeling has been caused by many different events that have happened as of current. I drove my best friends BW all weekend and burned his clutch every minute. I sent a short message to my ex, and got some bogus premeditated bitchy msg back, and then I sent her a text saying good job in her show and got no reply. I am so freakin done its not even funny.
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You know when I started writing this, my day was feeling kind of sucky, but now, I end this day feeling good. I had some good quality time with three good friends, and that told me I was doing something right. Im still working on applying for grad school but the application has come to a stand still now that I am off spring break. I am also trying to graduate this coming May yet for the fact that have 21 more credits to complete, I will be be here for a while longer. Even though I am not stressing out as much as I should be, there is a great chance that I wont be able to come back if I don't get a loan to. This truly bothers me.
On the other hand, I am still wondering what it would be like to go out and work, in NYC which is where the girl is that I'm currently seeing and I would like to be able to spend more time with her there or just anywhere.
What do I want to do? I just want to stay here in syracuse, away from all the big cities, away from all the ignorant people, (at least the ones ignorant to my frat) and just make a life for myself here on this new planet. Going back to my homeworld would only mean that I would have to stay at my mothers place of dwelling, and I CANNOT do that. TO advance out of this system on to New York Planet would be too hard and too big of a jump from where I am now. So my best bet is to stay here on this world and never leave........

Gotta go shower, I have database class in half hour.

WHY? i dont know

My thoughts are turning to dreams,
its all illusions that feel surreal,
I never just look at the clouds anymore,
because my face is made of steel.

Everything is joke, but nothing is funny,
if there was such a thing as luck,
It would be like my hair; short.
I AM THE DEFINITION OF CLUMSY.

All book knowledge and no common sense,
I always argue and I always lose,
because the wrong words come to my defense.

My brain feels alien sometimes,
my way of thinking is abnormal,
but what is normal anyways?
I never think in a straight line; thoughts, like bullets, go astray.

Rain today, sun tomorrow,
my mistakes with L cause a feeling of sorrow.
What more can I say?
What more can I do?
When I try my hardest to understand you?

I posses tools like no other,

Post 2

"......I want the money, money and the cars, cars and the clothes, the hoes; I suppose........."
Drake ft Trey Songz - Successful

Happy St Patricks Day


I hate looking at this website.
I hate blogging.
I hate doing this.


It was 55 degrees outside today. The best weather we've had up here for a long long time.
I walked around today with only thoughts of my responsibilities on my mind; but funny how the real things you want to think about creep up and steal the show. I found myself thinking about God, the only woman in my life right now, and my flaws. These are things I want to think about because I am religious, and was raised that way, and women are a integral part of my level of happiness in my life, and my flaws reflect on the fact that I'm always trying to make myself a better man.

This is incredible because I never would have thought, nor could I imagine that I would have made it this far in life. But now that I am here, I find myself asking why because I have made so many big mistakes, that it must be only by the grace of God that I am where I am now. My brothers usually say I'm hard on myself. I feel as though I am not doing a lot of things I need to be doing right now, and it makes me frustrated with myself.

Without getting too specific I know that no matter what I think about, or whatever issue I'm handling as long as I pray about, things go exactly the way they're supposed to go. I know that we don't alwasy get our way in life, I almost never get my way yet somehow I find myself being content with the way things have turned out, especially in my sticky situations. I feel as though if things didn't happen the way they did for I wouldnt be where I am exactly at this moment.

I have to much to say still---im going to sleep now. I have too many Z's to catch up on......

GREAT

I have to blog yet again for another class. I hate blogging. Its so retard and I think its only for emotional people like girls and socially rejected adults.

The first blog I had was fun to write, and I think this one should just be a continuation of that just a little bit more NOT about girls. Even tho its nice and all...Im not so focused on girls as I was before. Hmmmm maybe I should go back and check to see if there were any comments on my last real blog. Just a little FYI: I will be writing this as if no1 is reading, just pour mind vomit of thoughts from my head in hopes of a way to relieve some stress probably.

Some people found my last blog and I dont know, probably becasue I gave away too much info about how to find it, but I can garuntee you that no1 will find this one with the strange URL and the username I have I really hope no1 will find this.

SO as I sit in the lab, in the basement of hinds hall I can only think where I am now and where Ive come from since the last time we spoke, blogger.com. I must also make you aware of the fact that I am bouncing back and forth from this and my IST 459 work because I ahve an assignment due tom and Im just going to get it done. While I am also sitting here I am waiting for a text message reply from a very special someone that has only entered my life very recently, yet I refer to her as such. SHe ios at dance practice right now in Harlem, and I all I can think about is trying to go to NYC for spring break just to be with her. I am struggling with getting too mentally entwined in this girl, seeing as she is such a free spirit, and becasue I just got out of a relationship with L, my last, one and only, high maitenence girlfriend. OH MY GOD please remind to never do that again. What a freakin headache. You know what my problem is, is that I settle. I just settle for whatever ol' halway pretty halfway decnt girl that matches up on a few levels with me, and say fuck it for the rest. And now, just now in writing this I know why: beacsue I dont take nor do I plan to ever take any of these relationships seriously. these NY girls will be the death of me. And I aslo think that TC, the one backl home for me is the one im gonna marry anyweays so why not have a little fun while I'm here. Ill just make a few girls feel special while im here and then jsut move on with things with TC when i leave. Well since then things have changed. I met one other female, J, T that left a long last impression on me and I really honestly do wish I could pursue her after I get out of college. I really could see myself building a future with her. But now, this new girl the duece, has stepped on the scene and is pushing over that portrait my mind has painted. oDeep down I really hope for something long term with her, but the smarter thing to do would be just relax and dont take her seriously at all and talk off and on, but I dont want to listen to what my bros say.

I do have to take it easy i know that, becasue I fall in love too quickly with females but this one matches me on many different levels and I think that calls for some serious quality time together. We did things together that I didnt think I would get to do with her in such a way that may have meant more to me than it did for her. So the biggest thing on my mind is "how should I treast this situation to make it come out the way I want it to?" and No1 has the answer to that.

I am soo verry worried about what I am gonna do after this year it not even funny. I dont even know if I am going to graduate this may or not. I dont know if im gonna walk or whatever and

Im just getting hungry again right now.

But I honestly cvant even tell you how incredibly nervous I am about what to do this summer or this fall. I ahve 3 options, stay here in Cuse and work or itern and take the 6 credits I need to legitamately get a diploma, or just go home to boston and get the six credits and go live in NYC and just get an internship and find a way to take the six credits there. Either way I hneed to find a way to get the rest of those credits so I can do grad school in teh fall up here. and thats if I graduate.

I have to stop texting it driving me nuts

WTF am I gonna do? I honestly have been getting back into the habit of going to church and doing my daily devotions so I can just get back in touch with what God's plan is for my life becasue I know if I do it his way I cant go wrong. I kniow all the right doors will be openned for me and I will feel relaxed about everything. Its funny that despite all that I am going thru, I can just thank God for everything I have no matter what and I will alwasy do that..... becasue it could alwasy be worse.


later my ahnds hurt