Year 3 Week 11 Day 1

My mom never came.
Today is the last day I have to use this blog. I was actually supposed to turn it in a bit earlier, but I've been hesitant as to whether or not I want the entire world to know everything I've been writing about. I've have been studying with friends, and when they asked me what I'm working on they say they want to see it. For the most they've been girls, and I don't think I could show this to any girls I've been with. My maybe I'll show it to my best friend over seas studying abroad, but thats it.
I just finished eating with the brothers and while eating I was evaluating just everything. I saw C again, and the look in her eyes were that of a person I had met for the first time today. She liked what she saw and wanted to know more. But I'm done with that ho. A girl from my past relationships called and came up to visit from NJ, but the same complications arose and we weren't really able to see each other for long. I've known her for three years and we've had a really close and somewhat intimate relationship. She's also the biggest scheming snake of a female I've ever met in my entire life and now the thought of her makes me mentally ill. She can't seem to choose between the man she's with and the man she wants to be with, who both have problems with each other so she can only see one at a time per visit. But I've put the cap on the relationship, and called it quits and I'm just waiting until she realizes it. Her name is A by the way, just so know. But just as quickly as you learned it, you should discard her and her story with me immediately, because that's what I should've done the moment I met her.
People like that never completely get along with real people like me.
On a more positive note, I went over the new J's house last night and slept until about 12pm today. I have say, that I feel most comfortable around her, and that I would consider a relationship with her, but she has a problem with the fact that I'm just a really popular person and she's more low key considering she's an upper upperclassmen. I don't really know where thats headed though, because if she can't get over that, that we'll never have a decent relationship. Its not really a big deal anyway because all in all, I'm just like my bro Alfonso said, I just meet girls and fall in love and as soon as something happens i meet someone else and fall in love with them and forget about the last one. I'm a resilient guy like that, I bounce back pretty easy.
For the most, I cant complain about my situation now and even before, because there are plenty of girls out there, and I've had my fair share of buns (and then some). There are guys who wake up everyday and wonder what they're doing wrong and what they could do to get with someone, but I simply don't have that problem. I just gotta choose the best one for me.
You might get me to check back in here, and see if I have any comments on my posts or maybe even throw up another entry, but now this is it. I hope you enjoyed reading thus far, and let me know how you feel about any of the posts I've put or let me know f you have any advice on any subject at all that I've posted.
It'll take a while, but I think I'm gonna miss writing in my blog...

Year 3 Week 10 Day 4

This weekend is parents weekend. My mom is coming to visit tomorrow. Again. I cant wait until she leaves.
So I once again, I'm doing this assignment at work. And I haven't told you where I work for a reason.
I'm going to try to cut down all other distractions while I tell you about my day. My away message on AIM has been "Play, or get played.", all week.

I proceed to go to my assigned spot for work and I'm walking through the building, I spot C. The old one, who I told you played me. It no longer pains me to see her face, as I can legitimately say that I'm about 85% over it. I do feel a light feather of a wrap on my heart, but nothing heavy like before. I'm way too sensitive. I know it, so its ok to tell me that I'm a little girl for catching feelings for someone I was hooking up with and studying with. I just got the sudden urge to stop glorifying her by writing about her.
I just got my PSP back, and I have a great urge inside of me to play, but somehow I fell like writing my feels down will help me more in the long run. I must say though, as immature as it sounds, the video games I play on a regular basis help me to mentally escape from the drama and the overload of emotions I have when bullshit goes down, so as far as I'm concerned playing is healthy for me. I would be crazy without them. I feel like I get let down so much by the people around me, especially the females. And don't get me wrong, its not because they do what I want them to do its because they haven't been honest with me or they haven't been avoiding me or probably because they've been the time of day to really chat with me and get to know me better because I know I'm a good guy, and for the most anyone who has at least one conversation with me get to like me, and the always come back for more.
But alas, tonight is Thursday and I should be getting ready to relax for the weekend right? Wrong. I missed a test today. I just bought a new alarm clock and clearly must not have set the alarm properly. Or maybe I should've paid more that $15 dollars for a more quality household appliance. On top of that, my cell phone has been acting up and now it won't even turn on, So I couldn't even set the alarm on it. So I woke up this morning about half hour into my test and my phone was still inoperable so I flipped out and went out. But aside from that, my day was fine.

This sucks, but an Instant messaging window just popped up and its another female that I met in NYC, and I think we would've been in a relationship right now, if it wasn't for the distance. Communication with her has also been pretty shotty as well. The funny part is, she wants to know whats up with my away message.

Year 3 Week 10 Day 2

Today is Tuesday. I just got to work a short while ago after sitting down to eat with two new friends I've made named L and Ca. I gave the first two letters just so you would know its a different C.
I might have forgot to mention that this weekend I had a run in with a certain Miss V belonging to someone that I'm not entirely familiar with.
Forget that I even mention a female named Ca, because I'm not interested. L is certainly a very interesting human being. Being in her first year her, it shouldn't be a problem progressing things along this weekend or any other time. During the meal though, my new J walked in and gave me a very friendly wave, but I knew she wasn't happy to see me with two other females being as she is very wary of frat boys and school athletes. This, she has stated to me herself on multiple occasions, and is extremely worried between me and her getting heavy. I really like this girl, but I'm having a hard time making it slow between us. I think I've typed the bare minimum, and I'd really like to not do any hw right now considering I just had a test today and I have another test on Thursday, that going to be really really hard. I got 2 A's on the first two tests from this class but thats only because I had the answers and this time I most definitely wont be so lucky. Back to Madden and notetaking.........................

Year 3 Week 10 Day 1

Today is Monday. Once again I am at work and studying for a test in my Networking class tomorrow. This will be my second test; the first one I got a 74 on. Hopefully with a bit more help I will get at least a B I'm hoping.
Funny how situations change. After an entire weekend of seeing C being hit on by another horny Dominican pussy assailant, I think I'm about half way through getting over her. It no longer bothers me to see my ex J, but it does bother me to see C, who was just last week pouring her heart out about getting good grades and me being a distraction to her life. I let it go though.
Its hard to say where I'm headed relationship wise; my little man A says that I get a new girl every weekend, which definitely not true, but I can admit that I do have a regular rotation. This is to my own doing though, just so I have a healthy handful of relationships to choose from when I want to take things to another level. I know, its a very greedy thing to do, and not people can do it, or are blessed with the people skills that I have. But as far as I'm concerned, I use my talents wisely, as to not take full advantage of them and completely become the player that everyone thinks I am. But fuck relationships and females.
I'm still worried about my test tomorrow, and I can't get last week's test out of my head because I am so afraid that I'm not going to pass it. I have one test left and then a final and thats going to be it. I very well might be out of this University. So the females should be going out the window at this point.

Year 3 Week 9 Day 5

Today is probably one of the worst Fridays on my life. I feel like going to play some guitar hero. Today I had that test I told you about, and it went horribly. I don't think I got one answer right. Although there were only 4 questions on the test and probably no else did really great on that test either, I really hate myself for the way I performed on that test. I can't stand doing bad or at least know that I did bad on that test. Forgive me for typing so fast that I can't even check that what I'm writing is reading correctly but I honestly don't care right now. I don't care about anything right now and all I want to do is lay down and just sleep forever. I just want to sleep until at least I graduate from some college if not this one. That is becoming more and more of a reality to me everyday now. Which sucks, because I love it here and I definitely don't want to leave but I think God may have it in store for me to get kicked out of here, and go to school back home. My mind is racing right now, as I sit here at work, where my ex also works on the fifth floor and I want to just die and be buried already. I am beginning to not even care what happens to my life anymore just for the fact that I keep messing up and I keep having to fix what I do to myself and pretty soon I wont be able to fix every mistake that I make, I'll just have to live with them and thats going to suck, I can just feel it already.
This is probably the most crappy entry I've written so far but really honestly don't give a shit anymore. I wish I could've did it all differently and could've automatically came to SU and started out doing Information Technology and I wouldn't be worried about having to getting kicked out of this school for good now and having to go to Onadoga Community College, which sucks by the way. I am fucking starving out of my ass right now and I need to get a few slices of pizza and just play my PSP and clear my head. To anyone who is reading this, regardless of who you are and where your from or what your background is, just do me this one personal favor: say a little prayer for me.

Year 3 Week 9 Day 3

Today was a very stressful day. I had a midterm for my info tech class and I;m not really sure how it went. Even thought I got some help on it, I wouldn't be suprised if I got less then a B on it. After I graduated from high school, I was never really able to achieve really high grades anymore. And It's not like my high school grades were a whole lot higher than they are now; I was getting B+ and A- and a C here and there. Sometimes I wonder, is college really for me? Do I belong here? Because a lot of the time, my performance doesn't reflect it. I mean my mom has always told me that I was smart, and so have others and at times I do feel as though I am. But now that I sit here and think about it, its because I'm not so smart about the decisions I make. Being all the way this far from home and thinking for myself has been good for me, but I having paying a hefty price for thinking about living in the moment and not for my future.
I'm only halfway through the week and I am completely exhausted. I haven't been sleeping too much since before this past weekend which was Halloween was a terrible weekend by the way. The Red Sox won the world series, but my house got completely trashed. I also have a test coming up this Friday and even though I've been lightly studying for it since Monday, I dont feel good about it at all. I just don't grasp the material as well as everyone else does. I seem to look for specifics that everyone else isn't concerned about. With that and that fact that its just a complicated engineering class that I've taken twice over already. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel as though I'm going to fail this test and most likely I will in all honesty. Because I just don't get it. I never fully understood anything I did in my engineering courses but for some reson I felt like I needed to continue down the failing path that I was already on. And that's why I'm in the rut that I'm in now.
I will be studying all night tonight for this Statics test and I don't know how much studying I will get down tomorrow because I have to go to work and I have an information session for my frat tomorrow and who knows how long that will carry on for. All in all, I am super-busy right now and I don't have any more time to devote to this inline blog crap diary.