.tell me where you are.

Im in Bonn Germany. I am in the 26th day of Decemeber 2017. I took this a vacation day off of work. this whole week actually. Im in a place where customs was lose because I snuck in a 8th of weed in m lint roller. fuck the police. Im approxomateily 24 hrs from one of the largest events in my life. I confessed to my girlfriend of 3 years than I had repeatedly cheated on her. 4 times in all. at this point. That was also our first day in germany. I cant believe im still alive. We stayed up until i dont even know what time...i waas so afraid to look at my phone. I left it here in the hotel room to go outside and smoke weed, right after defending having changed a girls I havent truly slpet though. I should be dead right now. Because I truly believe this woman loves me. I know i love her too I just am addicted to pussy. not just any pussy, her pussy. and ocasionally I like to dip into what Im missing, or at least what I feel like Im missing. Or in ess selfish terms if I want to keep the girl of my dreams I need to tell her I commit to her for the rest of my life. Only thing is, you cant have fresh salmon for any reason whatsoever. So it looks like in the next tab over, as a remediation step was to book an appointment with a professional psychaitrist usomewhere uptown. ya not fun but I really honestly think if I can unlock my brain from this addiction I prayed and asked god to trade in this pussy addition bone for an addiction to work. and being honest, to a fault. I feel like Im on a loop that I can see my way out of but never seem to jump completely out of, but always seem to get close. I think Im there now. I keep leaving things like phones and laptops open and she just keeps finding stuff....I think Ive been subconsciously leaving them open so I dont have to confess things she can just see what happened, how and where. I would never have the guts to just walk up to someone I love you and seriously I slpet with someone else but I still love you and I dont know whhy I did it or I do know why I did it and....Im trying not to od it again? See cheating is fucking weird. You dont get a medal or anything for not doing it, but if you do it, shame on you goddamn you, you bastard, your a terrible person, you dishonest perosn......blah blah...and some of those things may be true but the most truest thing of all is I love this girl, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Kinda hard to tell her that after all that truth in one night....those words just fall deaf on th floor. Crazy how shit unfolds in life. Fuckin abosolutely... I think I just realized I can change on my own. I was high as hell before but still I know I can change on my own. What i need is this psychiatrist to tell me meaningful goals and objectives to hit that will help me on this rehab path back to being just simply dateable again. I realize what ive done is worng, and i am so sorry and truly truly hate to watch her react to the pain ive caused, and right now i dont evenc are who i get to marry I just want them to know i can do ANYTHING to keep them happy. I just hope its Natalia....

THings I do that make my girlfreind hate me: Cheat on her. Wake her up at 7 am on Saturday mornings. back to back. Make her think that shes not enough. Make her think that she makes me angry. Invite her over and then invite 5 guys over and pay her as little attention. Make her think that Id rather be with someone else. Think that I just do things like malicouslsy do things like wake you up early on a weekend Leave texts open and change contacts names