The moment you realize change comes from within

being 30 years old sucks dick. I say that because when I woke up alil after 5 this morning the energy around me felt weird. my spirirt flt hindered. by something. Im walking around half hampered by my sins of infidelity, but also hampered by the rejection imfacing by females around me. side bitch cut me. reach bitch aint reply constructively once. main bitch dont trust me, forever. Im in a fuckin hole now. work bitches dont understand me. never have, never will. A nigga cant even get gigs out here cuz I dont know how to search for em right. Feeling suppressed but also just straight hopeless. Ive made the mistake of expressing myself to other people that arent my current girlfriend and didnt get back any kind of results I had hoped for. Its almost insane the level of anger that surges through my body everytime I come up the stairs and see people waiting for someone other then me to speak and answer questions. Fuck em. There will be a day when I come up that escalator and people will cheer for me. There will be a day when everywhere I wlak people will revere me. I don't want to be worshipped I just want to know my voice is heard. Im at work now and its 9 44...my ADHD seems to keep me from completing anything....and my phone reminder just told me to turn a weakness into a strength. Cant seem to figure how to turn MY WEAKNESSES into strengths. But I seem to be able to somehow perfectly assess other peoples problems and even come up with a solution too. Absurd. If I went myself I wouldve punched me in the head by now. Maybe that means its time for more meaningful changes in my life.