more on this later - but this shit feels REAL

. Thoughts of contentment and shame, dreams and nightmares, lust and the socially taboo……….

I’ve landed on this new planet, and it had felt like I had been here before, like to visit but now I’m here to stay in this world of new responsibility adult reality and its more like an alternate dimension, because it feels like a vast void with nowhere to go just ghosts around you and infinite space and endless possibilities in front of you behind you above you and below you, and your surrounded by ideas and places and things and you don’t know what direction you want to go in but you know your filled with energy and the a excitement……….and hopelessly drifting out in space I see a star………………………

And was greeted by a warm face, radiant smile and shining personality. Was I dreaming? No , just indulging myself and when all these questions came about inside me asking all these “what ifs” one answer echoed inside my skull “just go with it” because something good is already happening….

And so now here I sit 2 months, 1 week, 5 days later, we’re moving towards what I think could be lo-…..

I cant say it. I don’t want to scare it away, its like a squirrel

And even though we’ve avoided the talks about potentially loving extreme liking each other, ive imagined a future US…..but I cant say that yet, I WONT say it yet.

But like Casey Anthony I’m guilty of it but you just couldn’t prove it in a court but all the signs are there

But I cant think about I just take everyday with you as it comes, I just know this is real because Ive had women and relationships and I’ve only had this feeling once before, and I’m determined to hold on to this one.

Its just that while I’m sitting eating with Ms. Whats-her-face I’m wishing so fiercely that it was YOU across from me and I then wouldn’t be avoiding a convo about what I’m doing afterwards or about where I want to be for the rest of my life. With you around I think I know the answer…….

….yea but that’s only in a perfect world. Wherever that universe is it ain’t here and I know I’m getting ahead of myself, I know, but I cant help but think, and can you blame me?

I never thought I could find such a beautiful mixture, both outside and in, of characteristics and looks that I would mind passing on to my children. I just hope all goes well. And I know hope ain’t much but life is meaningless without it……………………………..

I crossed a line and didn’t look back and now I wonder why I didn’t come to this side sooner…….I’m never going back. Win or lose.