The Red Sox won the division title last night. The inconsistency reminds me of the everyday life I live in college, which I why I'm so drawn to it. I can't help it, I'm a man.
I have a solid fifeteen minutes straight that I have to write and I don't know what I should write about. For one, I wrote yesterday, and for two, I really hate putting down my feelings like this but to avoid any bills for when I would be going to the psychiatritists office, I'll do anything to save a buck. I guess you could say that there's nothing on my mind that I want to talk about, but that wouldn't be true. What's truth is the fact that I've spent the entire trying NOT to think about certain people and things. One namely being my ex, who remains an eyesore on this campus for me. The other, being the situation with S whom I visit today. Ya know, J told me to just leave her alone, and just let her show me attention. And I should have definately took his advice the moment he gave it to me, because I come to the realization that I lot of women aren't worth the effort I put forth. They tell me that I'm too nice, and its true. I spend energy trying to get to know people when I should just get a couple of fuck buddies on campus and be happy. But I'm not. That doesn't fly for me, because as you should already know by now, I'm all about people and relationships between them. But I guess that what happens in New York; there's so many people here no one can be just platonic friends, its either your doin it or your not. This perhaps, applies to the entire adolescent world and not just here, but I feel as though it might be amplified a bit here because everyone is so impersonal around here.
I've been listening to my music a lot lately. For some reason music has bumped itself up on the important scale in my life. It is the filler for everything thats giong on with me right now, and whenever I have more than five quiet minutes, I throw one some beats. Maybe its because I'm a DJ for all my frat parties. Supposedly I do a good job and that makes me feel good about something I'm doing in my life. I think it might be because I have been finding that a lot of lyrics and song themes are similiar to situations I've been in. Partly because I have changed what I listen to a bit. I'm starting to listen to more hardcore rap and gospel rap. Amazingly, I identify with the material so I listen to it more often. I also think that it might have something to do with the music that my brother A listens to in his car every time he gives me a ride someplace.
Great. I didn't have to think too much about the bullshit going on in my life and I wrote for a full straight fifeteen minutes. Thanks for your time. too bad I have to keep writing in this stupid thing.
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