Today was a very stressful day. I had a midterm for my info tech class and I;m not really sure how it went. Even thought I got some help on it, I wouldn't be suprised if I got less then a B on it. After I graduated from high school, I was never really able to achieve really high grades anymore. And It's not like my high school grades were a whole lot higher than they are now; I was getting B+ and A- and a C here and there. Sometimes I wonder, is college really for me? Do I belong here? Because a lot of the time, my performance doesn't reflect it. I mean my mom has always told me that I was smart, and so have others and at times I do feel as though I am. But now that I sit here and think about it, its because I'm not so smart about the decisions I make. Being all the way this far from home and thinking for myself has been good for me, but I having paying a hefty price for thinking about living in the moment and not for my future.
I'm only halfway through the week and I am completely exhausted. I haven't been sleeping too much since before this past weekend which was Halloween was a terrible weekend by the way. The Red Sox won the world series, but my house got completely trashed. I also have a test coming up this Friday and even though I've been lightly studying for it since Monday, I dont feel good about it at all. I just don't grasp the material as well as everyone else does. I seem to look for specifics that everyone else isn't concerned about. With that and that fact that its just a complicated engineering class that I've taken twice over already. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel as though I'm going to fail this test and most likely I will in all honesty. Because I just don't get it. I never fully understood anything I did in my engineering courses but for some reson I felt like I needed to continue down the failing path that I was already on. And that's why I'm in the rut that I'm in now.
I will be studying all night tonight for this Statics test and I don't know how much studying I will get down tomorrow because I have to go to work and I have an information session for my frat tomorrow and who knows how long that will carry on for. All in all, I am super-busy right now and I don't have any more time to devote to this inline blog crap diary.
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